My intents for this blog: I'm back.
On my choice to keep this blog public:
So, Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Finding my way out of this paper bag I've stumbled into." I truly doubt that reading it will be of much interest or use to others, yet just the same I've decided that I will continue posting it publicly. I'm not completely sure why I am deciding to not switch it to a private blog, but I'm not going to give it much thought as it feels more right to keep it public than to switch it to private (even though the urge is certainly there to do so). One factor is that I feel our society has too few places where the mundane private is shared publicly and who knows, someone may just benefit by reading the personal processing of a fellow human being. Another factor may be that it feels slightly more real if I post it than if I keep it completely to myself. (As a confirmed introvert, I have a tendency to keep my thoughts and energies completely to myself and maybe posting the personal is a way of tipping the scales a bit.)
The purpose of this blog as a personal process log:
I must reaffirm that I'm writing it for myself only. This blog functions mainly as a check-in for where my personal process is on any given day. My hope is that by writing regularly, I will keep my energies flowing outward more than just rattling around in the overactive yet unproductive corners of my head. What I really need is just a place to check-in, spew a bit, maybe jot down some top priorities or side thoughts and then move on—a journal, and a place to boil down thoughts on aspects of what seems to make my life work more smoothly than not for me and only for me (as we are each so different in what helps us along).
A disclaimer about what might have been (my 4 wing speaking):
I regret the loss of what it won't become, because I'm aware that a blog could be so much more polished and thoughtful and useful to others. A blog on a specific topic other than one's own day to day life could really be quite an exciting and interesting endeavor (I've stumbled upon a few that are well worth the read). But just as I'm not in a place to spend time reading all the really interesting essay type blogs out there (or even regularly checking in on some thoughtful personal postings), I'm also not in a place where it would serve me well to write one or to be conscious of or responsive to a readership, or of making this a site worth visiting for anyone other than myself. This is a space of my own, with a window open for others to peer in if they choose to for whatever reason suits them alone.
Why I stalled and my solipsistic intents for resuming:
I initially started this blog for myself and stopped when I felt an awkwardness around the fact that it was being read (and therefore had reason to consider making it more than just a journal, or at least to make it a really good journal). …I'm back now, more aware than ever that I really just need a place to check in for myself and that this time I am all the more committed to not concerning myself with whomever chooses to look at it for whatever reason suits them—that is their business, writing it in whatever form it takes is mine. So if others get anything out of seeing my day to day process, so be it, you are very welcome, but it is my expectation that you have your own life to concern yourself with and will find my solipsism of little interest or use to you. If you do choose to read it, I don't mind and do welcome your comments as to how what I've written relates to your experience, but I may not be disposed to engage in a dialogue about your responses. Rather, I wish to leave each post and then move on in accordance to how my day to day experiences shift the focus of my mind onto new things. Perhaps your comment may lead me to a new post which is tangentially connected, who knows, but I doubt I'll wish to engage in a direct dialog as that would divert my focus away from my own momentary process. If I don't respond to your post, know that I still do wish you well in your own process and may have gotten something out of your comment, even if I didn't respond. This particular blog is primarily just a dialog I'm having with myself on my own process as influence by my day to day experience (albeit publicly).
What I expect will emerge (beyond a routine mind-dump for me):
It seems that a likely theme will come from my need to figure out issues around how to invest in and reconstruct healthy and vital connections in my life—time, focus, energy, choices, how I'm maintaining momentum and whether I'm finding "the juice" in my endeavors. I am constructing my path anew in a new environment (I moved within the last year to a new country and city leaving all career, friends and favorite connections behind (hopefully for some equally promising options here). I also find myself in something of a midlife crisis time of casually questioning my choices and paths with more commitment to actualizing myself than before.)
The Rules of the Game:
I hope to post several times a week as I think that would help me keep momentum and to keep my mind empty of thoughts that could distract me throughout the day. We'll see.
On Privacy:
One last thought, as the net is a very public forum ( I know this to be very true as professionally I have been an investigative researcher), I am likely to be vague about the specifics of my situation as I don't want to be identified so that I don't feel the need to self-edit in other ways. Anonymity ironically helps me to keep true to my own identity.
So, Maybe I should change the name of this blog to "Finding my way out of this paper bag I've stumbled into." I truly doubt that reading it will be of much interest or use to others, yet just the same I've decided that I will continue posting it publicly. I'm not completely sure why I am deciding to not switch it to a private blog, but I'm not going to give it much thought as it feels more right to keep it public than to switch it to private (even though the urge is certainly there to do so). One factor is that I feel our society has too few places where the mundane private is shared publicly and who knows, someone may just benefit by reading the personal processing of a fellow human being. Another factor may be that it feels slightly more real if I post it than if I keep it completely to myself. (As a confirmed introvert, I have a tendency to keep my thoughts and energies completely to myself and maybe posting the personal is a way of tipping the scales a bit.)
The purpose of this blog as a personal process log:
I must reaffirm that I'm writing it for myself only. This blog functions mainly as a check-in for where my personal process is on any given day. My hope is that by writing regularly, I will keep my energies flowing outward more than just rattling around in the overactive yet unproductive corners of my head. What I really need is just a place to check-in, spew a bit, maybe jot down some top priorities or side thoughts and then move on—a journal, and a place to boil down thoughts on aspects of what seems to make my life work more smoothly than not for me and only for me (as we are each so different in what helps us along).
A disclaimer about what might have been (my 4 wing speaking):
I regret the loss of what it won't become, because I'm aware that a blog could be so much more polished and thoughtful and useful to others. A blog on a specific topic other than one's own day to day life could really be quite an exciting and interesting endeavor (I've stumbled upon a few that are well worth the read). But just as I'm not in a place to spend time reading all the really interesting essay type blogs out there (or even regularly checking in on some thoughtful personal postings), I'm also not in a place where it would serve me well to write one or to be conscious of or responsive to a readership, or of making this a site worth visiting for anyone other than myself. This is a space of my own, with a window open for others to peer in if they choose to for whatever reason suits them alone.
Why I stalled and my solipsistic intents for resuming:
I initially started this blog for myself and stopped when I felt an awkwardness around the fact that it was being read (and therefore had reason to consider making it more than just a journal, or at least to make it a really good journal). …I'm back now, more aware than ever that I really just need a place to check in for myself and that this time I am all the more committed to not concerning myself with whomever chooses to look at it for whatever reason suits them—that is their business, writing it in whatever form it takes is mine. So if others get anything out of seeing my day to day process, so be it, you are very welcome, but it is my expectation that you have your own life to concern yourself with and will find my solipsism of little interest or use to you. If you do choose to read it, I don't mind and do welcome your comments as to how what I've written relates to your experience, but I may not be disposed to engage in a dialogue about your responses. Rather, I wish to leave each post and then move on in accordance to how my day to day experiences shift the focus of my mind onto new things. Perhaps your comment may lead me to a new post which is tangentially connected, who knows, but I doubt I'll wish to engage in a direct dialog as that would divert my focus away from my own momentary process. If I don't respond to your post, know that I still do wish you well in your own process and may have gotten something out of your comment, even if I didn't respond. This particular blog is primarily just a dialog I'm having with myself on my own process as influence by my day to day experience (albeit publicly).
What I expect will emerge (beyond a routine mind-dump for me):
It seems that a likely theme will come from my need to figure out issues around how to invest in and reconstruct healthy and vital connections in my life—time, focus, energy, choices, how I'm maintaining momentum and whether I'm finding "the juice" in my endeavors. I am constructing my path anew in a new environment (I moved within the last year to a new country and city leaving all career, friends and favorite connections behind (hopefully for some equally promising options here). I also find myself in something of a midlife crisis time of casually questioning my choices and paths with more commitment to actualizing myself than before.)
The Rules of the Game:
I hope to post several times a week as I think that would help me keep momentum and to keep my mind empty of thoughts that could distract me throughout the day. We'll see.
On Privacy:
One last thought, as the net is a very public forum ( I know this to be very true as professionally I have been an investigative researcher), I am likely to be vague about the specifics of my situation as I don't want to be identified so that I don't feel the need to self-edit in other ways. Anonymity ironically helps me to keep true to my own identity.
posted by Pearl Pocock | 5:25 PM
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